I never post on here, i am the perfect definition of a lurker on tumblr. However, i think like this is the place to write when i feel like it.
Its only a few days before i head back to university and to be honest i can’t wait, why because well its like going home to me now. I feel conflicted because however much i love my family and all the people in this place who have shaped me into who i am, its just not home anymore.
That dirty, fast paced student paradise that is Fallowfield has felt like home for the past year more than the house i came to the day after i was born and have lived in my entire life.
The only reason this makes me feel like writing is because this obviously makes me feel quite conflicted. I don’t just want to be back in Manchester for student life and all that comes with it, which is quite clearly a better experience than sitting in a loft watching anime and feeling sorry for myself. Its not for the night, or spending my time learning something i love or being independent. It just feels like home now, and that terrifies me.
The fact that i feel more connected and grounded in a place i have spend around only 1/20th of my life thus far than all that came before really makes me question a lot of things.
I’m trying not to sound like the whiney, self absorbed middle class brat that i am undoubtably coming of as but it just is something i can’t get of my mind. Why in such a short space of time would i have such a drastic shift in what in consider important.
I love my family, ironically one of the reasons i know this is that we argue so little we never have to remind each other of the reasons we work in the first place. I love Aspley Guise, Milton Keynes and somehow Leighton Buzzard, i love the people i got to grow up with, the Lancer, Cedars, all of it. Yet i can’t help the feeling that its all like a dream really, something i’m not really part of anymore, just a passing tourist.
Despite the fact I’ve only spent around half my summer at home this year, i can’t see myself ever being here this long again. Maybe i just enjoy the lifestyle a lot, but its not quite like that i think, i guess we really do get grounded in a sense of place somehow. I hope this coming year was as good as the last, yet i also hope to come back to this loft room and feel at home again, it just feels alien now.
If there is an afterlife, my Liverpudlian ancestors are probably cursing quite violently at the thought of me becoming so attached to the city of there great rivals, yet its the truth. What a rambling mess i am.
I can’t wait.
I literally cannot breathe, this is honestly the best and most fun repute to Christianity I have ever seen.
Her evil eyes put mine to shame
All the things you love are all the things I hate
How did we get here in the first place?